Ladies – Learn the Trap (and Avoid It!) of the Instant Connection When Finding Love Online
By OSAblogger on Jul 20, 2009 in Dating Security
Finding Love Online can be a real headache to almost any woman that is attempting to meet a new man. Add to that the fact that 90% of ladies don’t even know there are rules or differences in the online dating world, and this can add up to quite an experience – and not always in a fun way.
You see, there are rules around communicating through online channels , creating profiles, emailing men and simply understanding connections made through non-traditional means. What you do now in everyday life to communicate will not always work – or – you can find yourself falling victim to misunderstandings quickly and easily.
Have you tried online dating yet, or tried to find true love online and failed? It’s hard to believe that it can be difficult when you think about it. One would imagine that since there are over five million people active in dating online that you would have a MUCH greater success rate than going out and trying to meet men at clubs , wouldn’t you?
I know I thought that! But the difficulty is, if you are not aware of the hazards of trying to find true love online, then you just might fail. Let’s begin with talking about the fundamentals – communication and initial attraction in Finding Love Online.
One of the biggest hazards in online dating can be the “instant connection”. It can be a trap in two ways – first of all in FEELING the instant connection, and second of all, in NOT feeling the instant connection. I know – that is a bit confusing, right?
On one side of this argument is the simple side – you could be communicating with a guy online and thinking that this guy is kind of boring – when really he is a brilliant guy who just stinks at communicating in a non-verbal fashion. It happens. I have met some GREAT guys who communicate in the written way much like the teacher on Ferris Beuhler. UGH.
Then there is the flip side.
What if you are FEELING the instant connection?
That is great, right? It’s what we all want, as ladies! To feel that immediate tickle of attraction and connection to one another on a deeper level, feelings that might just lead you to find love online… it’s what we think that we are looking for and wanting in a guy. And – it really can be.
But look at your past – do you usually date the wrong kind of guy? Are you always attracted to those bad boys, and then later on down the line, they end up treating you like dung and leaving you broken hearted and once again, single?
Most ladies ARE attracted to bad boys. Not because we want to make bad decisions , but because what we want is a real guy – a guy who makes us feel secure, wanted, loved and, well, like a woman ! Our bodies are even pre-dispositioned to look for the strongest mate – the alpha leader if you will, that will lead us to having the best, strongest, smartest offspring, etc. This is hard-wired into attraction – it is how it works. You can’t help it.
You do, however, have to learn to tell the difference between finding the “bad boy” who APPEARS to be an alpha leader with his confidence and vibrant attraction, and the TRUE alpha male who treats ladies like we should be treated and who has the confidence to appreciate your own unique abilities without letting them threaten his status as a guy. Make sense?
Ok. So – here is where the duplicity of feeling that instant attraction comes in to play. When you are communicating with a guy online, without the subtlety of body language, presence, facial expression, etc, AND with the element of time freeze that I mentioned in my previous article (where using a non face to face format like online communication, you can stop and think about your answers and take time to craft a reply) a guy can seem to be so much more – or less – than he really is.
Especially if you are sharing really personal things! You can get into a very heavy conversation, feeling super connected to a guy – and forget that this may not be what he is really like, or how he really thinks, because he could be totally playing with you, feeding off your emotions and just really getting in to the moment. In real life, he could be a seven hundred pound woman who likes to mess with the minds of beautiful young women for some imagined revenge. You never know.
And – it can be easier to have a really deep conversation with a stranger through an online medium because that person does not even seem quite real when they are just a chat box on a screen.
So – what do you do to really learn how to find love online? The key is this – use the internet, use online dating, as a TOOL to meet people. Then, take your meeting offline, to a local cafe for lunch or a quick coffee break, or meet at the local park to see an art exhibit. Meet him somewhere public and do an activity that will not be leading you to the inevitable “are we going to sleep together?” question. And remember this as well – even if you had an AMAZING connection online, you WILL feel awkward with him, and he with you, when you first meet. It does not matter how great your connection was, you are still going to be nervous and probably struggle with things to talk about for a little bit while you get used to each other.
It’s a good idea to have a little list in your mind of things you want to talk about. This should NOT include your exes, what you dislike , what irritates you, problems in your current job or other negative things. Talk about things that inspire passion in you – things you love and things that will give him a great positive view into your personality and what drives you.
If you want to know more about how to find love online, be sure to stay tuned to my blog, or sign up for my newsletter by following any one of these links!
Written by: OSAblogger / Bill Wardell - Please Read Our Latest OSA eZine Edition
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