How To Counter Bad Effects Of Divorce
By OSAblogger on Feb 11, 2009 in Keeping Our Children Safe
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children – age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma – the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
As a parent, you should know your children better than anyone…use your best judgment with your children during considering divorce. First you have to know little about conflict in relationships and then continue the following.
There are ways of helping your child transition though-and you can be the one who initiates these to help your child deal with the effects of divorce. Here are four suggestions you can start immediately to help the adjustment period go smoothly.
# Reassure the child of your love. The worry that most parents have is that their child will blame himself for the divorce. You can easily combat this idea by directly telling the child that it isn’t his fault and that you love him. Repeat this often. Any time any new complication with the divorce comes up, reassure the child that it isn’t his fault and that both parents love him. Also, ask direct questions to your child so that you know what she is thinking. Ask if the child feels like it is her fault the divorce happened. Then let her know that it isn’t her fault and her behavior wasn’t the cause. Then reassure her of your love.
# Let your child grieve. Don’t expect your child to hide any negative emotions. Just like you will have to grieve over the lost relationship, your child will need to as well. Let your child be sad-and talk to her about her sadness. Let her know it is okay to feel sad and that she will work through it. If your son is angry, talk to him about his anger. It is normal for the children to feel this way.
# Come up with a good child custody schedule. This is vitally important because the visitation schedule will determine when the kids see their parents until they are 18 years old. Come up with a custody agreement that allows the children to see both parents as often as possible (or as often as is reasonable considering the parents and the cause of divorce). Try to have both parents allowed to come to various events of the child (like baseball games or piano recitals). And, as you’re making the schedule, inform your child of what is going on. Tell them who they’ll be spending time with, and ask for any appropriate input. This will let your child feel enabled and also let them know they will get to see both of their parents. After reading it, dont think this the end you can also check on types of divorce
Usually, divorce represents the first real trauma of a child’s life. Keep this in mind when your making your divorce decision. Divorce is a serious step and nothing should be done until your’re certain that divorce is the best course of action. Getting a divorce without making sure that divorce is the right thing is selfish on your part and is the wrong thing to do to your children…after all, they deserve your best effort!
One thing should remain constant…that you and your spouse will always be there for your children, no matter what. For more information visit divorce-an awakening, you will get your all answer.
Written by: OSAblogger / Bill Wardell - Please Read Our Latest OSA eZine Edition
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