The Web has made snail mail virtually superfluous with its instant e-mail and instant messaging. The stress, of course, is on superfluous as snail mail still lands on your Letter Tray . Otherwise, what good is it?
Anyways, here are a few snail mail examples that you would not want to touch with a ten-foot stick, much less with Wooden Letter Openers. Now, start praying that you don’t!
Credit Card Bill in the Quadrillions
Plastic can be such a blessing or a curse, depending on whether it’s purchasing time or pay-up time. You ought to know which is which by now. At least, I do!
But what will you do when you receive a credit card statement running above $23 quadrillion? Yes, that’s more than 2,000 times the nation’s debt! No idea how 23 quadrillion looks like? Imagine 15 zeros after the number 23 and you can be sure that none of your grandkids till the end of time will have any money just to pay off that amount of debt.
Luckily, it appeared that there was just a technical glitch in the Visa structure, thus, the giant error. But not before you almost had a stroke!
Government Letter Asking Residents to Spy on Neighbors
And then there’s the letter from your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, er, local officials asking you to become the neighborhood spy. Well, it would have been good if only you received the letter.
Unfortunately, every house in the whole damn block got one! So, what does that make all of you – the gringo equivalent of Fidel Castro’s notorious Neighborhood Defense Committee spying on each other ad infinitum?
You are supposed to report neighbors to a new hotline number for sins like throwing garbage into drains and ditches, sweeping twigs into the streets, and even changing oil and antifreeze! Perhaps the local officials could have done better with surveillance cameras.
IRS Tax Collection Letters
Well, we all receive tax collection letters from the dreaded IRS. What will take the socks off you, however, is that those missives demand taxes that your estranged husband should have paid but was unwilling to. Since you are still the legal wife, you will be constrained to pay up!
And believe me, there are terror stories of IRS agents abusing their authority on the matter. Taxpayers are levied varying amounts of taxes due and payable from one month to the next, thus, breeding confusion and frustration.
So, the next time you feel like not putting engravable pens to the paper to write your mother a loving note, just think of these terrible letters reaching her. That should be sufficient motivation to cheer her up via snail mail!